Day 81

I did a home practice about a week ago. I can't really do mysore style anymore because there is too much swelling in my knee, even with the methotrexate, even with the Flenexate(?). Whatever it is. There's too much swelling. Right now I swim and lift weights, again. Two of the most boring activities on the planet. But I do it because they are the o

nly two things that I can do.

I was promised I'll be on Humira "soon," which isn't so much of a promise I guess but it gives me hope that son I can do the things that I love, that I'll be close to what I can consider normal again. I'm also taking the generic version of Prozac to stabilize my mood since everything I love has been removed from my life. Running, yoga, eating, being outside, being active, friends, family, sight, etc.

I'm not depressed right now. I don't eat a lot. I wanted to be 150lbs by 21 July for my birthday. I ended up losing about 5lbs so I'm down to about 136 today. It's because of the Prozac and Methotrexate causing me to be nauseous all the time. I don't eat a lot because I'm never hungry. If you ever want to lose weight just get really really sick.

I feel kind of silly writing all of this since I don't really have a yoga practice anymore. Nor can I, I fear, until I start the ridiculously expensive Humira, which I hope to use as a bridge until I can get the fuck out of here and maybe return to normal.

The swelling switches from one knee to another, never really being completely gone in one knee or the other. For example, the past few days my right knee was very swollen as my left one was barely swollen at all, and now the direction is going to my left knee and my right one is decreasing in swelling.

I'm still sticking to a strict paleo diet, without beans, nightshades, etc. But it's driving me nuts, and I really don't think helping that much, so I'm going to slowly start adding legumes. I'll let you know how that goes!

Love,
Bobby