Day 180ish

I had another eye surgery in the beginning of August. Around that time I started Humira.

I started Ashtanga yoga again on or around 23 August. Since that time I practice about 5-6 days per week with Suzanne Faulkner at AYCD (Ashtanga Yoga Club Durham). Most days are Mysore style which I've come to prefer. One day, if not two, are Full Led Primary, which is more of a "class," and I always thought I'd prefer that type of practice, but really, I like Mysore. It's like a study hall or science lab where every day is an investigation and we get to work on things we want to work on; on things that will be beneficial to us or our practice.

Suzanne is like a combination of Yoda and Ms. Frizzle from Magic Schoolbus. She's insane, but also insightful and brilliant. She's steady but also electric. I feel like I've finally found a teacher that is there enough for me to grow. And I have. Backhanding has improved. Flexibility and strength have both improved (Suzanne has told me that strength and flexibility are really the same thing).

I haven't missed a day except when I've had to due to work or going to see my parents.

I also run 3-4 days a week. And I will lift 1 or 2 days a week.

So far I have a strain(?) in my left hamstring that doesn't really go away. Also my left knee is clicking. I'm not sure what any of it means. I will try to strengthen my left hamstring a little bit because Suzanne says my left hamstring is way looser than my right, which doesn't make sense, but I'll try it and see what happens.

Day 81

I did a home practice about a week ago. I can't really do mysore style anymore because there is too much swelling in my knee, even with the methotrexate, even with the Flenexate(?). Whatever it is. There's too much swelling. Right now I swim and lift weights, again. Two of the most boring activities on the planet. But I do it because they are the o

nly two things that I can do.

I was promised I'll be on Humira "soon," which isn't so much of a promise I guess but it gives me hope that son I can do the things that I love, that I'll be close to what I can consider normal again. I'm also taking the generic version of Prozac to stabilize my mood since everything I love has been removed from my life. Running, yoga, eating, being outside, being active, friends, family, sight, etc.

I'm not depressed right now. I don't eat a lot. I wanted to be 150lbs by 21 July for my birthday. I ended up losing about 5lbs so I'm down to about 136 today. It's because of the Prozac and Methotrexate causing me to be nauseous all the time. I don't eat a lot because I'm never hungry. If you ever want to lose weight just get really really sick.

I feel kind of silly writing all of this since I don't really have a yoga practice anymore. Nor can I, I fear, until I start the ridiculously expensive Humira, which I hope to use as a bridge until I can get the fuck out of here and maybe return to normal.

The swelling switches from one knee to another, never really being completely gone in one knee or the other. For example, the past few days my right knee was very swollen as my left one was barely swollen at all, and now the direction is going to my left knee and my right one is decreasing in swelling.

I'm still sticking to a strict paleo diet, without beans, nightshades, etc. But it's driving me nuts, and I really don't think helping that much, so I'm going to slowly start adding legumes. I'll let you know how that goes!

Love,
Bobby

Day 60

It's Friday so that means no practice since there is only noon when I have to work. Both of my knees are swollen anyway so who cares. Two weeks ago I got a shot in my right knee, which helped the swelling a lot (wasn't perfect) but I could bend my heel almost all the way up to my butt, which made Urdva Dayurasana easier, as well as jumpthroughs/jumpbacks. I decided, in my hubris, to go for a 1.75mi run because I was feeling good that day. Well, the swelling in my right knee went way back up, but the swelling in my left went down so much in fact that I decided not to get another steroid shot in my left (on Thursday). I also decided not to take more prednisone because it made me crazy and more suicidal than I think I need to be at the moment. So I made a decision to write my own prescription.

So what that means going forward is that I have 4 more weeks on Methotrexate (MTX). And then I can switch to a TNF inhibitor like Humira or Enbrel, which I don't know how expensive that will be but we'll see.

In other news, I have to have another eye surgery because I have scar tissue on my left retina. I can't tell you how suicidal that made me on Wednesday and how much I almost broke down in the waiting room. It was a surprise. I knew my vision was decreasing but I had no idea as to why or what that would mean. I thought I'd be ok, and maybe I will, but it's a lot to deal with at this moment in my life.

After three months of being on the AIP, I'm incorporating nuts back into my diet, well actually legumes. I ate five peanuts today from a trail mix packet. If my knees go to hell tomorrow then I'll know why. To be honest, I'm not sure I have an AI disease. I think my troubles are coming from my house and I have to be out of there in 31 days, so we will see!

"If we are to heal, let it be glorious" -Warsan Shire

Day 15: Yoga + Running

I really love ashtanga. It's disciplined, it's creative, it's exciting. I get up every morning at 6am and then I sit in bed for 45 minutes because I can't get moving. And then I'm there for 75-90 minutes and it goes by so quickly. I'm never bored, but it is only 15 days in. I'm sure I'll get restless.

I also ran today for two miles. I've never been as slow as I am now. And I was really breathing heavily. I guess that's what happens when you're of a particular age and don't run for nearly a year. You don't bounce back as quickly.

Day 10

I took my MTX yesterday so today is a bit foggy. The unknown. But I've done 10 consecutive days of yoga. Actually last Friday I didn't because I feel like everyone needs a rest. God needed one. Maybe not needed but he took one.

Each day my hamstrings and hips feel weird. I have such tight hamstring and hips. And weak hips, or so I was told by a PT. I can believe it.

Also I'm practicing Mysore style which means everyone does his own thing and the instructor comes around and gives little corrections and tells you what to do next. It's literally in the attic of Suzanne's house. There's not a ton of room. I love it though. I usually look at the clock when I'm ina. Class because I'm bored or just curious. But now I don't feel bored at all. I'm there for probably a little over and hour but I don't want to leave. I have to get there earlier because it ends at 8:30 and I don't like to keep her later because I think it's so rude

So what I also have to do is take pictures of my progress. I can touch my pinky finger to the floor. I want to put my palms on the floor. I want to be able to do a good backbend. And a good backbend. And have my hips open. I want to do a jump through.

I don't want to teach anymore. I'd like to get s regular job and teach yoga to people who couldn't pay anyway. Disadvantaged people and inmates. Give knowledge to those people with fewest access toresources.  Starts a revolution.

Day 1, Again

since being diagnosed with and I don't mean diseases about two months ago I've tried to regain a little bit of strength and mobility. Previous to that, for about seven months I was in able to do anything. Actually the most I was able to do is to swim and  to lift weights. So on Tuesday, May 2 I took my first class at the Durham I Stanga club. It's a literally taught in the upper room of this couple's house. And it's taught Mysore style.  I felt great coming out of there. My right knee was fine. Maybe slightly swollen but that's OK by me. It felt good to move again to breathe again to be strong and mobile again.  I want to learn everything that I can I want to do it every day at least for a little bit. Suzanne and Joanne are the two people who taught me. One of them thinks my name is Bob thinks my name is Robby which is fine. I feel like this style will help me both physically and in my personal practice. I won't say what level I'm at right now, or do one of those fake modest criticisms. For right now I'm enjoying the experience of it all. Even if it's just for this week. I've already learned a lot.

Monday: Day 2

I had to work all day. I did a twenty minute practice at the end.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8jy0HQIHgY&index=3&list=PLvpCoL7P7IAYdGUccEkqf0xBKQ1kxHkc4